You know, sometimes I really hate the way I write. It'd be so much better if i could write without having that damned cadence of mine. Long and flowy. Not rough and to the point. I'll have to work on that.  ¶ 1:21 PM 0 Comments

  God, I hate you.

Just a little bit.

Not enough to go away... yet.

You've taken one of my passions and make me want to hate it. I am not a replacement and I refuse to be. I refuse to be someone who follows down the path that someone else has already gone down. I have my own path and I create my own way.

Because of that, I feel anger and angst when I look at something that I want to have and want to do. Photography. No Digital SLR's for me for as much as I want one. No road bike for me for as much as I want one.

Another thing. I must be the best. I cannot be compared. I am better than this.

I think I'm going to take up curling.

Labels: Angst

  ¶ 10:42 AM 0 Comments

  I hate you so much. You have no idea.















































  ¶ 1:33 PM 0 Comments

  Greetings from Copenhagen! It's like living in Ikea over here. The buildings all seem to be boxes with teak wood and glass. And it's full of northern european looking people.

They say that the Scandanavians are beautiful... but I think the jury's still out on that one. They are quite friendly though and seem to speak English quite well. Which brings me to the idea that I don't really feel like I'm in Europe. I might as well be on the East coast. Well, except for the "We're better than everyone else" attitude.

So at any rate, I almost missed the train because I didn't realize that you have to push the little button on the door. Hmm. Why don't they make it easy for us stupid Americans?
It's quite safe here, but I see alot of graffiti, which leads me to believe that there is a dark seedy teenaged underbelly that they're keeping under wraps. Imagine that.

So far I haven't had much of a chance to explore this town, since I've been working quite late, but my first impression was...einh. But after working until 10pm the other night, I took the train (for the first time last Thursday. I found a shortcut today) to Norreport. Getting out there, I found an area of the city that I liked alot. There were lots of people walking around and there were outdoor cafes where people were sitting and drinking.

Unfortunately, they don't seem to keep the kitchens open very late. I wish they did. It would make this place more interesting.

I just passed an ad for www.surftown.dk. I'm not sure where they think they can find waves around here.

Work is okay, but I think that I need to kick some ass and take some names to get this done right. I had a meeting yesterday that I thought went fine, but the Mercury guy didn't seem to think so. Hm.

I do have to say that they have excellent coffee in this town. And an espresso machine on every corner. And they have a very interesting accent. Try to pronounce this... røt grøt flothebot. It goes "wrote, groat, dtheflowdaboat". Interesting, eh? Them danish and their sense of humor. HA  ¶ 12:15 PM 0 Comments

  Testing.

Really. I am.  ¶ 5:28 PM 0 Comments

  (The following is a post from May 15th, 2005. Enjoy)

Hi Everyone,

It's been a while. I've been either lazy or busy and thus, no blogging. But I think that it's time to start up again. Mostly because I have 18 hours a week of dead time while I ride around the country on an airplane. Plus, since I'm spending my time away from home, it's probably a good way of keeping everyone up to date with what's going on in my life.

My life has become a cross country commuting nomadic madhouse. I'm working for a consulting company now doing CRm and ERP testing. My first project is a CRM project in Balitimore, MD. I signed onto this job, thinking that I would be doing automated testing, but I have found myself more involved with testcase writing, manual testing, and managing the testcase execution cycles. All in all, I'm back in the stress lane. Unfortunately, I don't have my weekly outlet of hockey. So I guess I'll have to resort to running to keep myself sane.

During the weekends, I do my best to do the following:
1) Take care of errands and other business
2) Do laundry
3) See my friends

It seems to take up most of my time. This weekend was extra spectacular, as I did the Bay to Breakers for the first time in my life. Yet another to-do off of my list. I didn't do the run, but rather did the walk and drank. I think I drank too much Dave Juice, in fact. I think I was drunk for 80% of the walk/run. Those in attendance were HT, Oomptah, Joey, Dave, and serena. We met up with KG, Steve, and her friend Sandy.

We saw lots of naked guys and only 2 naked women (well, topless). We kept trying to get serena to touch the naked men, but she wouldn't. I had lots of fun in the way that you have fun experiencing something for the first time. But for the next time, I want to participate and become part of the show. I seem to have this desire to be part of the show, but never the main attraction.

Anyway, next year, we're aspiring to make a Cable Car thingy with a keg and water and a bell for people to ring. It'll be great. Something for everyone to experience. Pushing that thing up Hayes hill is going to be a pain in the ass though.

I loved how groups of people dressed up in themes. There seemed to be lots of tennis players and retro type outfits (Bjorn Borg).

We also saw Faithy! It was like seeing bigfoot. we were walking down through the western part of golden gate park and all of a sudden, I get shoved from behind. I was like "Who the hell is this??" It took me a second to recognize her. She said hi to everyone and then ran off again into the crowds of people.

Apparently there is a tradition of throwing tortillas at the start of the race. It was pretty cool because you could see all these tortillas flying through the air up ahead. It's such a strange festival, but so characteristic of San Francisco. Every once in a while, one of us would get wacked by a tortilla. There'd be this *thwap!* wound and then you'd look around to see what hit you. HT caught a real nice one in the middle of his chest.

At the end of the walk, we walked to the Footstock festival and got some food and listened to some music with Gavin McGraw. I only got 3 hrs of sleep the night before, so I passed out on the lawn. Apparently, the cloud layer was really thin, because HT and I both got burned on the face. Later that night, I asked HT a question and he said "I don't know... My head hurts". He looked miserable the rest of the night. Sooo funny though.

Joey, Diane, Serena, and Myself have this new semi-tradition. We goto Grove on Fillmore in lower pac heights, get a cookie and a pot of tea, and talk. It's nice. Those are the things that I miss being in Baltimore. But it makes it that much better when I get to do it.  ¶ 5:31 PM 0 Comments

  I don't post enough. Lately, I've been sending out my daily comings and goings in email form. I like to take my time and compose something that has meaning and impact, but all i get is *thud*. Oh well.

I'm tired right now. I've been hosting and planning and coordinating for the last 4 days. Today is my day off (not from work. just from hosting) and I'm spending it typing away at my computer. I was going to watch a movie, but that didn't happen. Even on my days off, I run out of time to do all the screwing around I want to do.
  ¶ 11:38 PM 0 Comments

  I'm back from New York. The trip was fun, but I'm oh so tired. I'll recap it later. For now I have to goto sleep and get back to the daily grind.

On a different note, my eye got squooshed today. I was playing hockey and ran into a guy and my helmet sorta broke and the front edge of it squooshed down right on my eye. I couldn't see straight for 3 minutes. Literally. One eye was pointing up and the other one was pointing down.

Ow.
  ¶ 2:18 AM 0 Comments

  http://msn.foxsports.com/story/2678462

Apparently, the country of China treats its people the way that Chinese parents treat their kids. Yao is no longer an "obediant child". No longer a Good Chinese Boy! For shame.

Next thing you know, they'll be taking away his honda accord when he doesn't get into Harvard.
  ¶ 1:00 AM 0 Comments

 

Why I'm not good at first dates

1. I'm all uptight and shit and I'm trying to be polite and proper which completely kills my sense of humor. Otherwise, I'd be a riot and I'd probably offend 90% of the people in the world. Maybe that's why I do it.
   
   
2. I'm too damned cheap to drop a shitload of cash on some chick who I don't even know. I'd take her to a nice restaurant and I'd pay for it, sure... But I wouldn't be able to pull off the "dream date" thing. McDonald's anyone? Ooh, and for the movie, we could watch one of the movies I downloaded from Kazaa!
   
   
3. I talk so damned much, there's no time to go in for the kill.
   
   
4. My car sucks. Right now it's only kinda running.
   
   
5. I'm not an investment banker, doctor, lawyer, or 6' tall.
   

  ¶ 3:12 AM 0 Comments

  I headed out to LA this last weekend for a last hurrah for Diane and Joey, who will soon be my neighbors in SF. It was also a last hurrah for Neil's place in Westwood, as he'll be moving out soon. So life begins to move on. People are moving away from the college scene and moving on to bigger and better things in life. It's good to know these people.

I also headed down to the OC to visit Amy and Mr. Barnes. We hung out at Laguna Beach. If you've never been there, I definitely recommend it. It's like a little resort town tucked away in southern OC. I definitely liked it and want to go again. But next time, I'll bring my swim trunks and get going before 2:30 PM.

It's nice to make that escape to LA every once in a while. It makes for a nice mini-vacation. But people are starting to get fewer and farther between. It seems like the college friends are all getting spread to the winds. I guess it's a inevitable part of living and growing.

It sure seems like people are hitting that growing stage of their life. Instead of trying to preserve their youth, they've embraced the mode of being responsible and working on their career and relationships. Instead of trying to pick up on girls just to pick up on them, we're actually looking out for the one. At least that's where I find myself. Of course, I have that whole aversion to commitment which will probably rear its ugly head when the time comes. But if I find that right person, you never know.

I've got a roller hockey playoff game tomorrow. And an interview. Wish me luck on both of them.
  ¶ 12:05 AM 0 Comments

  Maaan. Reading Craigslist personals posts makes me want to email them saying:

I'm rich. Wanna fuck?
  ¶ 12:51 AM 0 Comments

  (Disclaimer: To any of my friends who use online personals to find booty, disregard this message as my typical boorish ramblings)

I was just reading the Craigslist personals classifieds (yes, it's something I do when I think I'm bored) and you know what? It's a sad pathetic world out there. All these people online trying to meet other people online like it's a freakin interview. I don't think there's much of a difference between the Job postings and the Personals. There's the background info about whoever is doing the looking, and then the "Required Qualifications".

Short, Tall, rich, poor, loving, caring, non psycho, 420, white, asian, black, so on and so forth.

Really, I feel like monster.com is the same thing as matchmaker.com. But the difference is that the people looking for prospective employees are like the hot girls in the clubs who don't need any help finding someone to come after them.

Which leads me to my next point: what girl in her right mind who can attract a guy just by going out there and putting herself out there would need to post her desperation online? Man, these girls REEK of desperation. I really wonder how many of these girls posting online are even remotely attractive, despite the proclamations of "Sexy" or "Cute" or "HOT".

I've gotta give the fat chicks props when they say "I'm healthy. If you don't like it. screw you. I'm looking for someone to screw me."

Me, on the other hand, I'm gonna sit in my dark room on a Saturday night and scare the shit out of myself playing Doom3.
  ¶ 4:54 AM 0 Comments

  I've been under alot of stress lately. There have been quite a few changes in my life lately and I don't think that it's going to stabilize anytime soon.

I'm single again. There's all sorts of stress that you go though when you're single again. Some people find that it's a relief, but in my case, I feel like I let someone down.

I hate being able to make someone feel like that. I hate that it's something that will be for the best for both of us in the end, but to see someone hurt makes you just want to make it stop. But you know that you can't stop it. You can only walk away from it so that it'll find its own solace. You've gotta go off on your own and walk your walk.

Of course, I'm being totally vague right now.

So I'm out there. I want to take life slow, but things seem to be throwing themselves at me when I want to slow it down. I want to take it methodically, but I don't feel that way. I feel like I'm in a bad cycle right now. The best way to break out of those things is to get the hell away. I'm gonna go get the hell away to NY. And to LA. And I think that while I'm out in LA, I'll go take a spin over to the grand canyon and not talk to anyone for about 2 days.
  ¶ 3:28 AM 0 Comments

  I didn't sleep very well last night. It was that weird sort of conscious sleep that you have when either you've had too much Red Bull the night before, you have a lot on your mind, or you played hockey just before going to bed and you're still too pumped up with adrenalin.

It's uncomfortable. I think I had a lot on my mind. I'm working every second that I can find. And the rest of the time, I'm either eating or sleeping.

Actually, I've got too many activities going on right now. I think I need to back off of something. My Monday night is softball and my Wednesday night is hockey. And then there are little things in between all of it that make me have practically no time.

I haven't even been home long enough to take out the trash!

All this running around makes me want to goto Vegas. I've got this itch to go and I don't know how to reconcile paying $180+ for plane tickets. I guess my time is worth more than that. Hmmm. In the meanwhile though, I'll just keep working.   ¶ 11:28 AM 0 Comments

  I was riding home last night on my motorcycle, just minding my own business on such a warm night. I was between the Whipple and Woodside exits on 101 going south and then all of a sudden, there's these headlights coming up on me REALLY fast.

Like 40mph fast.

Like I'm already going 80mph fast.

And this SL500 goes blowing by me in the next lane.
So I say to myself "Screw that... No stinkin car can blow by me on my bike and get away with it!"

So I drop a gear and open up the throttle to catch up with him. I catch him and then pinned the throttle all the way. I dunno how fast we were going, but when you're going that fast, the whole world is shaking. Man, that car is fast, cuz it was keeping up with me! So then we hit the Woodside road overpass and I thought "Uh, those seams in the road aren't a good thing when you're going... I dunno" My guess would be that we hit at least 130. So we came over the overpass and I backed off cuz there was traffic up ahead and we were coming up pretty damned quick.

So we pull along side eachother, gave eachother the "helllllz yeah!" and went along our separate ways.   ¶ 4:16 PM 0 Comments